He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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