why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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