I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
