Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
