I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
