I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
