I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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