The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I will be naked everywhere
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
