there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
