The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize