Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
