when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
