we're blogging at a bar
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
