i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
