she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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