Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
