Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
