soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
