Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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