Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Randomize
