Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
