I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
