so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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