I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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