We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
