You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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