He had one of those small greek statue penises
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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