Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
