I hate all girls vehemently.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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