Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
i now understand why vodka
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
