I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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