Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
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