Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
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Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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