Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
