i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
