I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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