oh god the rape fog is back!
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
