I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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