So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
