I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I need moral support for this bender
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
