Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize