i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
