the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
