$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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