I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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