brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize