Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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