He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
