That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Panties = found
Randomize
