Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
