So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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