If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
