Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
