Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
