He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
